Murphy's pregnancy laws


Weight gain issue.

1. Of all the women who go to your group from the antenatal clinic for preparation for childbirth, only the one who fearfully asks all other pregnant women how much weight they have gained, the increase will correspond to the textbook to the nearest gram.

2. At a check-up meeting six weeks after giving birth, she will be the only one to fit into her old jeans, while everyone else is still wearing special pants for young mothers.

Signs of pregnancy and pesky friends

The sooner you announce your pregnancy, the more often you will hear people say:

1. "Are you still pregnant ?!"

2. "It looks like you got pregnant forever!"

3. "You should try to set a new pregnancy record."

4. "Gee! I didn't know you were expecting again ... How, are you saying this is still the same pregnancy?"

Useful advice

Don't announce your pregnancy until you hear a giggle every time you turn sideways to someone.

Duration of pregnancy

An elephant has a gestation period of two years. In humans, it only seems that it is so long.

Awkwardness when carrying

Here's how you can gently communicate to others that you've overstayed your sentence:

1. All your classmates from the antenatal clinic have already given birth to their children.

2. You are unable to remember what it is like when you are not pregnant.

3. You are now called twenty times a day by friends and relatives, and all as one "just and wondering how you are doing."

4. You burst into sobs whenever the phone rings.

How to make the most of your belly

1. Use it as a place to fold books.

2. Use it as a TV table.

3. Use it as a buoyancy device.

4. Use it as part of a Santa Claus costume.

5. Use it as an excuse.

6. Rent it out for posting advertisements.

Advice from one wise person

Once you’re sure you’re pregnant, take a souvenir picture of your waist ... you may never see it again.

The mystery of birth

No matter how hard you push, you still won't even be able to imagine how it is possible to take and squeeze out of yourself a three-and-a-half-kilogram fifty-centimeter man.

Prenatal hide and seek game

1. The moment your husband puts his hand on your stomach, your baby will stop moving.

2. The moment he removes his hand, the baby will kick you thoroughly.

Distorted calendar

The ninth month is the longest.

Investigation with a guarantee

You cannot be pregnant forever.

Consequence

Sooner or later, but "something will definitely work out." We can only hope that this will not be a nervous attack.

How to get out if you have a very long time

Here's what to say when your whole business has dragged on for too long: “Your obstetrician has retired. All his practice is smoothly passing now to his son.


Watch the video: hate5six Murphys Law - July 30, 2017


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