Murphy's laws of prenatal periods


Pre- and postnatal advice

Before you have a small child, all relatives only say:

1. "You would have such wonderful parents."

2. "You don't understand what you are missing."

3. "Children will bring a whole new dimension to your marriage."

4. "Among other things, you need heirs to continue our family line."

After the baby is born, they say: "Now the real problems have begun!"

Resolving the problem of population

If men gave birth to children, there would be no population problem at all.

A guaranteed way to get pregnant

1. Tell your parents that you have decided not to have children.

2. Go deeper into debt.

3. Move into an expensive one-bedroom apartment and sign a three-year lease.

4. Buy a two-door coupe sports car.

5. Lose, finally, five kilos so that all your outfits "fit" perfectly.

6. Apply for adoption

Four reasons to get pregnant

1. Finally, in the neckline you will have a hollow on your chest.

2. Your complexion will be much lighter.

3. You will be able to have sex without fear of "flying".

4. You will be given a seat on the bus or train (unless, of course, you live in New York).

Reinforced concrete law of genetic predetermination

If your parents were unable to have children, you will also be unable to have them.

Sexual self-sacrifice

1. The more you try to conceive, the less pleasure you get from sex.

2. The more children you have, the less time you have for sex.

Guaranteed method

1. If blue tones prevail in the abundant stream of baby gifts you receive, you will have a girl.

2. If most of the baby gifts you receive are pink, you will have a boy.

3. If most of the baby gifts you receive are clear blue, your friends are blue.

Financial factor

By the time you can afford to start a family, you are too old to do so. (Yes, and you are not very good at thinking.)


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