Merphology for patients


Glover's Law

If the patient feels the need to reassure the doctor, then this is always a bad sign.

False symptom syndrome

Whatever symptoms you describe, your friends will claim that they are all the same.

Stocker lemma

If your time has not come yet, not even a doctor can kill you.

Tom's truism

We become sick because of anxiety about our health.

Young's Law

There is a big difference between a good doctor and a bad one, but very little - between a good doctor and no doctor at all.

Cumberland's note

Better to let it wear out than rust.

Kinney's Rule

To recognize a standing doctor, choose one that still has tonsils and appendix.

The first rule of classical medicine by Dr. Cohen

What you don’t accept cannot harm you.

Davie's Law for Patients

If you seem to be feeling better, it may be because your doctor is getting sick.

Marino law

The gases always leave you just before the doctor enters the examination room.

Receptionist principles

1. The richness of the environment in the doctor's waiting room is inversely proportional to his competence.

2. The longer you sit in the doctor's office, the less you will be in his office.

Guerrero's law

The more boring and older the magazines in the doctor's waiting room, the longer you will have to wait for the appointment.

Clinical Principle

The longer you hang out at the doctor's office, the more likely you will be sent elsewhere, where you will start waiting for the appointment again.

Levine's law

You will definitely urinate right before you are asked to urgently pass urine for analysis.

Photnorow's Law

There are no scientific laws in medicine.

Basic nutritional rule

If any food is good for you, then it is very tasteless.

Warning

If any food is very tasteless, then this alone does not mean that it is good for you.

Ljall's principle for patients

Just because the doctor knows the name of your disease does not mean that he knows what it is.

Matz's warning

Beware of the doctor who is renowned for his ability to easily extricate himself from trouble.

Edda's Law for Fluoroscopy

The colder the X-ray machine table, the more area of ​​your body will need to be placed on it.

Bierce's definition

A doctor is a person on whom we pin all our hopes when we are ill, and we hang all dogs when we are healthy.

Cicero's rule

To live long, live slowly.

Klein's Law of Side Effects

Every takeoff has a fall.

The night carer's rule

This damn nurse looks into the ward only in the morning, and at those moments when relatives and friends come to you.

Sports injury rules

1. A large investment in sports equipment will immediately be followed by a major injury that will permanently disable you.

2. The sooner you heal your injury, the sooner you can go back to sports and get hurt again.

3. In the absence of major injuries, you will be pursued by minor ones, so that in the end, the time available for sports activities will still be minimized.

Barach's rule

An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than their doctor.

Stewart's surgical principle

The time spent in the surgical department is inversely proportional to the time spent worrying about it.

Warner's Principles for Prescribed Drugs

1. Only adults have difficulty with bottles that are inaccessible to children.

2. On the last day of taking, there is always either too many pills or too few.

3. Tablets that should be taken with food will be the most unappetizing and unpleasant in taste.

Smith's Rule of Self-Destruction

The patient most in need of sound medical advice is the one who is least receptive to such advice.

Basic principle for medical recommendation

If it sounds good to you, don't stick to it.

Logan's Complain

Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funerals.

Observation of Mark Twain

If you refrain from drinking, smoking, partying and running around for skirts, then you do not have to ensure yourself a long life - but it will seem long to you.

Damper's neoteny principle

An adult is a degraded version of a child.

Baker's derivative law

After crossing the top of the hill, you immediately pick up speed.

Nitzberg's law

The house is run by the sickest of its tenants.

Patient dilemma

Whatever your condition, it will dramatically improve as you go from the doctor's office to the examination room.

Consequence

All symptoms will return as soon as you leave the doctor's office and drive out of the parking lot.

Hospital floor rules

1. The bedpan is always slightly out of reach

Consequence

If you can reach out, its contents will spill out.

2. The only way to find the call button is to press it accidentally.

3. The faster you need to go to the toilet, the more tangled the IV tubing becomes.

4. As soon as you fall asleep, someone will wake you up to give you a sleeping pill.

5. Every hospital staff member assumes that every patient is hard of hearing.

6. The better your appetite, the worse the hospital feeds.

Fuller's observation

A patient who has made a doctor his heir is unlikely to have a chance of recovery.

Jenner's rule

Never believe what the patient says the doctor has told him.


Watch the video: Hemepath Board Review: Peripheral Blood Smears with Dr. Jeanette Ramos


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