1. If you have a pen, there is no paper.
2. If there is paper, then there is no pen.
3. If there is both, there is no information.
The most expensive VCR gadget is never used.
1. The yeast dough rises and the cream is whipped only when you are cooking for your family or for guests you don't really want to invite.
2. The last egg you drive into the cake dough will be rotten.
3. Any kitchen utensils in the dishwasher are immediately needed for something else.
4. Any measuring cup used for liquid products will be required immediately for dry products.
5. The time to eat the dish is inversely proportional to the cooking time.
6. Whatever you served on the table, some of the guests had it for dinner today.
1. If you don't remember if you took the meat out of the freezer to thaw it, then you didn't.
2. If you do not remember whether you left the pot on, then you did.
3. If you do not remember whether you need to drop by for bread and eggs on your way home, then you should.
Everything is edible if you chop it fine enough.
A knife that's too dull to cut anything can always cut your finger.
The stain you are cleaning is always on the other side.
If the stain is inside, you cannot reach it.
There is always more dirty linen in the house than clean.
If it is clean, it is not linen.
Technically, we seem to be able to protect our homes from children, but they will fit everywhere anyway.
The likelihood that a cat will eat its dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of food that is placed in front of it.
The stomach stretches to accommodate any number of hamburgers, cheeseburgers and other fast food items.
The length of a minute depends on which side of the toilet door you are currently on.
The life expectancy of a houseplant is inversely proportional to its price and directly proportional to its ugliness.
1. The tool you need is nowhere to be found, although it seems to have been.
2. The first parts or hardware you buy will be the wrong size.
3. The lost tool will be found immediately after buying a new one.
If you have been waiting for a repairman all day, you will never get it. But as soon as you jump out for five minutes, he will immediately come and, without waiting for you, will leave.
Any paint, regardless of its quality or composition, will firmly adhere to any surface, if only it got there by accident.
If you dial the wrong number, there is never a busy signal.
The hardness of the butter is directly proportional to the softness of the loaf.
Whichever side of the door a dog or a cat is, it is always not where it should be.
1. Anything you like is harmful.
2. If not harmful, you cannot afford it.
3. If you can afford it, this is not the season, and it just isn't.
4. Each recipe includes one item that you don't have.
5. Substitutions never give the flavor you want.
6. In the oven everything will be either overcooked or undercooked. In the microwave, everything will be both overcooked and undercooked at the same time.
7. If you don't make a list, you will forget the most important product.
8. If you make a list, the most important product: the store will not.
9. The store will sell everything your heart desires, except for the products you need.
10. Food stamps always expire before you have a chance to use them.
Washing machines only fail during the wash cycle.