Murphy's laws on men and women


Combat losses report

In the battle of the sexes, no one ever wins.

Cardinal discovery

To find out why they are called "the opposite sex", it is enough to do one thing: express your opinion to them on any issue, and then listen to their opinion - the opposite.

Threat of misunderstanding

The likelihood of mutual misunderstanding in a conversation with a member of the opposite sex is directly proportional to the number of words and gestures used.

Thanks aunt Eve

If God did not create women, men would have no one to blame for their mistakes.

Doubts about courage

If men were braver than women, they would not be so desperately afraid to put flowers on their table more often.

The superwoman myth

Women want to have everything at once: a successful career, a happy marriage and loving children.

But what they really get: a lot of work in the office, a lot of housework, and plus to this - homework for children.

Feminist forecast

All a woman's work can never be done ... for a man.

Cold Code

1. When a man has a cold, he is "absolutely helpless."

2. When a woman has a cold, she "just sniffles."

A wise thought about weight

1. When a man gains weight, he looks "more solid".

2. When a woman is gaining weight, she looks "fat".

Grumbling about gray hair

1. When a man's hair turns gray, he looks "extraordinary".

2. When a woman's hair turns gray, she looks "old".

Desire to drink

1. When a woman wants a drink, she goes to the home bar and pours it.

2. When a man wants to drink, he says, "How about a drink, honey?" - and continues to sit in her soft chair, while she brings one glass for him and another for herself.

The axioms of love

1. When a man has an affair on the side, he needs understanding.

2. When a woman has an affair on the side, it is unforgivable.

3. When a man has an affair in another city, where he travels on business, it "takes place in another territory."

4. When a woman is having an affair outside the house, she "defiles the love nest."

Warm up after robots

1. Before work, a woman makes beds, prepares breakfast and cleans the kitchen ... while a man reads the newspaper.

2. After work, the woman prepares lunch and cleans the kitchen ... while the man goes into great detail about what a difficult day he had at work.

Equity factor

1. If men gave birth, in America they would have introduced six months paternity leave long ago, and paid leave.

2. If men had periods, each time a week's leave would be provided for this business, and paid.

Casus with earnings

Men find it great that women pursue careers ... until the woman's salary exceeds his own.

Hands are important too

They say that love is blind. That is why men have such sensitive, businesslike hands.

Return of the aboriginal

Men often feel the urge to return to the womb ... on average, it happens twice a week.

Decisive comparison

1. Cucumbers are better than men because you don't have to sleep on wet sweat.

2. Vibrators are better than cucumbers because they do not soften after two weeks.

3. Men are better than vibrators, because although you may get a small-caliber rapid-fire, it is by no means excluded that a strong middle peasant will turn up, and maybe even be lucky enough to get a large-caliber and also long-playing one.

Time limit

1. When you have the whole night at your disposal, it only takes him a minute.

2. When you have only 10 minutes at your disposal, it lasts forever.

New terminology

In the old days they were called "dirty old men". They are now referred to as "sexually active senior citizens."

Proprietary agent

There is nothing in your love life that is so bad that a little too much can not cure.

The Dilemma of Dissatisfaction

In the old days, men were happy if they managed to get inside and reach a climax. Now they don't feel happy if you both don't achieve simultaneous multiple orgasms.

Changeable virginity

The same women who in the old days insisted they were virgins now insist just as stubbornly that they are insatiable.

The masturbation myth

1. Masturbation does not lead to blindness.

2. If, while masturbating, you eat carrots, then your vision may even really improve.

How to find this coveted point?

If you are unable to find "that very spot" called the "G-spot", do not be discouraged ... no one can do it.


Watch the video: Why Dr. Doofenshmirtz is in Milo Murphys Law


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