Murphy's laws on babies


Family resemblance puzzle

Your newborn will look terribly like Mr. Macacco. Mr. Macacco will deny his paternity.

Sound ambiguity

All newborn babies make similar sounds. But yours makes it louder.

Teething law

If a baby had a tooth every time his parents said: "He is so restless, he probably has a tooth cut," - then the little man would turn into a big crocodile.

Problems with help from mother-in-law

There are three reasons to resist an offer from your mother-in-law who is eager to help you with your newborn. After all, you will have:

1. Extra mouth to feed.

2. An extra person who needs to be cleaned up.

3. Much more unsolicited advice than you can use for the rest of your life.

The test of time

Grandmothers who coo about babies, and their eyes blur with romantic tears, have forgotten what caring for a small child really looked like.

Chances of a critical situation

Critical situations arise only when:

1. You are left with your child alone.

2. All shops are closed.

3. A blizzard is raging in the yard.

4. Your car does not want to start.

5. You are unable to break through to your doctor.

6. It is late Friday night before a three-day holiday weekend.

How to recognize your offspring

The only baby in the ward for newborns who does not sleep and screams at the top of his lungs, wildly waving his arms in the air and throwing off the blanket with his legs - this is exactly your beloved.

Visiting rules

1. As soon as you put your baby back in the neonatal ward and are finally ready to take a nap, there will be ten visitors at once. Your "ideal angel" will start to act up exactly one minute after your friend arrives.

Excerpts from the "Infant Owner's Guide"

1. Babies flow ... from both ends.

2. Babies do not meet the latest EPA emission control requirements.

3. Babies also do not meet the latest EPA requirements for noise control.

4. Feeding, dressing and teaching a baby in America will cost you no less than $ 200,000.

5. Babies are released without any guarantees.

6. For infants, there is no provision for the possibility of their subsequent delivery by purchasing a new copy with improved characteristics.

Backfill puzzle

What keeps you from living during the day and what keeps you from lying down at night? (Hint: You can't buy this in a store.)

Options for a crying baby

1. Calm the baby down every time he cries, risking to reinforce the crying habit in him and thereby contribute to the fact that crying becomes more frequent.

Result: Both parents sleep little or no sleep at night.

2. Let the baby cry in the hope that after a while he will completely exhaust his strength and fall asleep naturally.

Result: Both parents sleep little or no sleep at night.

Professional difficulties

1. If you do not swaddle your young child, he will be wet.

2. If you don't feed your baby, he will be hungry.

3. If you do not begin to hold your baby in your arms, he will be capricious.

4. If you do not swaddle, feed or hold your baby in your arms, he will cry.

Consequence

Caring for a child is easy when you have nothing else to do.

Mysterious situations with a baby

1. If the child never cries, is not capricious and sleeps all night, this is the neighbor's child.

2. If the child cries and is capricious all day and all night, he is yours.

3. If the child is a "real angel", then you are his grandmother.

4. If the child is a real "nail in ... one place", then you are his older brother or sister.

Parenting skill

The fact that your child is always crying does not mean that you are a stupid parent. Just a guilty one.

Secrets of an easy nap

1. The moment your naughty child finally falls asleep in your arms, the phone will ring.

2. The moment you put your baby in the crib, he will immediately wake up.

Solving the problem of sleep

Rhythmically repetitive sounds help to rock small children, who fall asleep better under them, bring the child to your bed, put it next to your snoring husband - and the baby will fall asleep immediately. Unfortunately, snoring will keep you awake.

Familial post-telephony

Making love while your baby sleeps in your bedroom is like tiptoeing rock and roll.

Family bed rule

The smaller the child, the more space it will take up in your bed.

TV game question

When your child finally starts sleeping through the night, will you still remember how you make love?


Watch the video: Milo Murphys Secrets and Pies Day Episode 13 - Eva Nash


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