Academiology


Timetable laws

1. If the classes you want to attend are in a classroom that can accommodate "n" students, you will be student "n + 1".

2. The schedule is designed in such a way that each student could waste maximum time between classes.

Consequence

If you manage to sometimes attend two classes in a row on schedule, they will end up in opposite buildings on the campus.

3. A prerequisite for your enrollment in your chosen subject is that you will be offered a semester in which the course is not taught at all.

Applied terror laws

1. When you are looking at your notes in preparation for the exam, the most important pages are illegible.

2. The more you prepare for the exam, the less you can assume what the examiner wants from you.

3. 80% of the final exam includes questions from one lecture you missed and one book you did not read.

4. The day before the English history exam, your biology teacher asks you to learn 200 pages of your subject.

Consequence

Every teacher believes that you have nothing else to do but teach his subject.

5. If you have an exam that allows you to use the book, you will forget it.

Consequence

If you are given the opportunity to prepare your answer to your exam ticket at home, you will forget where you live.

6. At the end of the semester, you will remember that you signed up for a course at the beginning of the semester, but you never attended.

Sita Law on Higher Education

The last subject you need to complete to graduate will not be included in the schedule even in the last semester.

Uttington's first law of communication

When a writer prepares a manuscript on a topic that he does not understand, his work will only be understood by readers who are familiar with the topic better than the writer himself.

Consequence

Works carried out without understanding the essence of the issue should fail at the very first target stage of communication - the transfer of information to the uninformed.

Weill's Law for Educators

As long as you don't make mistakes, nobody listens to you.

Seeger's Law

Everything in parentheses is irrelevant. This can be neglected.

Weill's Law of How to Organize Documents in a Folder

All documents following the first lie upside down, or in reverse order, until you put them in order. Then everything is repeated.

A handy guide to modern science

1. If something is green or wriggling, then it is biology.

2. If something smells bad, it is chemistry.

3. If something doesn't work, it's physics.

Cerf's Additions to a Useful Science Manual

1. If it is not clear, then it is mathematics.

2. If it is meaningless, then it is either economics or psychology.

Piercing Postulate

Data without generalization is just gossip.

Jones-Einstein principle

Originality and novelty is just the art of hiding your source.

Nobel effect

There is no proposal, no matter how stupid it may be, in favor of which it would not be possible to collect a dozen signatures of Nobel laureates.

Consequence

Any such request is guaranteed to be published on the front page in New York Times.

Fadd's first law for creative thinking

To come up with a good idea, you need to come up with a lot of different ideas.

Duff's opposite law

The more ideas you have, the more difficult it will be when trying to discern which ones are good.

Oscar Wilde on advice

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. In no case should you use it yourself.

Young's Rule for Dispute Resolution

Opponents cannot agree with you if you disagree with them.

Hove's theory

There are tips that are too good, such as advice to love your enemies.

Albert Camus Law

Those who write clearly have readers. Those who write vaguely have commentators.

Gilling's law

Whenever a misspelled word or letter can change the whole meaning of a phrase, the mistake will be made in such a way as to cause the greatest confusion.


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