How to speak convincingly


The right word gives your question the right direction. The information you are interested in is already directed in a positive direction in advance.

1. Say "and" instead of "but", for example "You did well, and if you ...", instead of - "Yes, this is good, but you must ...". Because "but" crosses out everything that was said before him.

2. Say "and" instead of "and yet". For example: "I understand that you cannot answer so quickly, and therefore let's ..." instead of: "I understand that you cannot answer right now, but it would still be better ...". Because "and yet" tells the interlocutor that you are deeply indifferent to his wishes, expectations, doubts or questions.

3. Use the word "for" instead of the word "against". For example: "In order for something to change, I will sign up for the sports section." Instead of "What else can I think of against boredom?"

4. Avoid a rude “no”, as “no” pronounced with the appropriate intonation can make a very negative impression on your partner.

5. Cross the phrase "honestly" out of your vocabulary because it sounds like honesty is the exception to you.

6. Say “wrong” instead of “no”. For example: "not so" or "not now". "I don't like it like this." “At the moment I don’t have time for this” instead of “No, I don’t like it”, “No, I don’t have time”. Because no is repulsive. "No" is something finished and finally decided.

7. Change the angle of view by using the word "already" instead of the word "more". For example: "You have already done half" instead of "Have you done half more?" Because the word "already" turns a little into a lot.

8. Forever forget the words "only" and "just" or replace them with others. For example: "This is my opinion", "This is my idea" instead of "I just say my opinion", "This is just such an idea." Cross out "just" and "only".

9. Remove the word "wrong". It is better to ask a clarifying question and show the interlocutor that you are also trying to solve the problem. For example: "It didn't work out the way it should. Let's think about how to fix the mistake or avoid it in the future" instead of "Wrong! It's only your fault."

10. Say "in" and "at this much" instead of "somewhere" and "in the area." Set deadlines and times accurately. For example: "I'll call on Friday", "I'll call you tomorrow at 11 o'clock" instead of "I'll call at the end of the week", "I'll call tomorrow at 11".

11. Ask open-ended questions. Don't be content with monosyllabic yes or no answers. For example: "How did you like it?", "When can I call you back?" instead of "Did you like it?", "May I call you back." Because questions with "How", "What" or "Who" ... extract valuable information.

12. Use the expression "From now on I ..." instead of "If I ...". For example: "From now on I will listen to advice more closely" instead of "If I had obeyed his advice. Then this would not have happened." Because "If I ..." regrets what has passed, and rarely helps to advance further. You better look to the future. The wording "From now on I ..." is a good basis for such a position.

13. Stop dodging with “should” and “should”. Better: "It's important to do this work first" instead of "We need to think about it", "We should finish this work first." “Should” and “should” do not state anything concrete. Better clearly and clearly name the one (or that) about whom or what you are talking about ("I" - "you" - "You" - "we"). For example: "You should finish this", "You should give priority to this work"

14. Say “I will” or “I would like” instead of “I should”. For example: "I would like to think a little first", "I will gather the necessary information first" instead of "I have to think a little first", "I have to gather information". "I must" is associated with coercion, pressure, or external determination. Everything that you do with such an attitude, you do not voluntarily. “I will” or “I would like to” sounds much more positive, more friendly and motivated to others.

15. Cross out the words "actually" and "actually" from your vocabulary. For example: "This is right" instead of "Well, generally it is right." "Generally" does not contain any information and is perceived as limiting.

16. Say "I recommend you" instead of "You should". For example: "I advise you to trust me", "I recommend that you think about it", "I advise you to make a decision as soon as possible." With the words "should" and "should" you put pressure on the interlocutor and deprive him of the opportunity to make a decision on his own. “I recommend you” sounds a lot more friendly and positive.

17. Also use alternatives to "I advise you" such as "I ask you" and "I will be grateful to you." For example: "I ask you to make a decision as soon as possible", "I am grateful to you if you trust me" instead of "You must make a decision as soon as possible", "You must trust me." “I ask you” and “I am grateful to you” are very easy to say, and they work a miracle.

18. Give up all forms of denial; better speak up positively. For example: "This will be okay", "This is a really good idea", "This is easy for me" instead of "This is not a problem for me", "The idea is really good", "It will not be difficult for me." In denials, you go a long way. It is too complicated and can cause unpleasant associations. Be direct and positive.

19. Avoid other typical "not" forms as well. For example: "Please do not misunderstand me", "Please think about ...!", "Please watch out for ...!" instead of "Please don't get me wrong.", "Please don't forget that ...!", "Let's not lose sight of this!" Turn such negative expressions into positive ones. Be clear about what you want. Thus, focus all your attention on the desired goal.

20. Use "motivating denial". For example: "What you said is not quite right", "Here I do not quite agree with you" instead of "What you said is wrong", "Here I must argue with you." Motivating denial makes sense in situations where you need to tell the other person something unpleasant or completely reject his assumption. It is important that you present your opinion while speaking the truth. With motivating denial, you can say this more politely. You focus on the intended goal.

21. Prefer precise concepts over nonspecific verbs "do", "work" and "engage". For example: "We have not yet made a decision on ...", "I am just reading the protocol", "The current situation is such that ..." instead of "We cannot figure it out yet", "I am now working with the protocol", "We're doing the best we can." Nonspecific verbs leave too much room for interpretation.

22. Ask “when” and “how” questions instead of “yes” or “no” answers. For example: "When can you help me ....?", "When can we get together?", "When can I talk to you?" In response to the question with "whether" we get a reaction only in the form of "yes" or "no". When you can count on the result, it remains open. So do not ask if "this or that" is possible, but demonstrate your positive expectation with "when" and "how."

23. Connect the other with "you" and "we" instead of constantly putting yourself in the center of attention with the help of "me". For example: "Now you see what is the matter", "Please give me your address", "Now we will figure it out together" instead of "Now I will show you what the matter is", "I still need your address", "Now I will I'll explain it. " If you speak in first person all the time, then you bring yourself and your actions to the fore. The use of "you" and "we" unites and focuses attention on the interlocutor too.

24. Cross out "never", "every", "all", "always" from your vocabulary, and instead be specific. For example: "Here you will definitely help me!", "You are late for the second week", "... and ... they envy my success" instead of "No one ever helps me", "You are late all the time", "They all envy to my success. " Take away generalizations. Think “what” exactly happened, “who” it is, “when” it happened. Be clear about your goals. Generalizations create a negative present and limit future options.

25. Get the reaction of the interlocutor with the help of half-open questions. For example: “How much did you like it?”, “What other questions do you have on the merits of what was said? Instead of“ How did you like it? ”,“ How do you like my idea? ”,“ What other questions do you have? ”.


Watch the video: How to speak so that people want to listen. Julian Treasure


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